The History that the Books Won't Tell You
Wikipedia is constantly battling vandalism. People with a chip on their shoulder can't help but attempt to slip false information into an article about something they dislike.
The hot topics, of course, have to do with religion. Pages such as Religion, Christianity, God, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and Mormonism are constantly having to be patrolled in order to prevent false information from staying long enough to be read by an unsuspecting Wikipedia visitor.
For the most part, such vandalism is very annoying. But every so often you get a juicy bit of history that has somehow been kept in the dark.
Today, an editor by the name of Dr. Van Nostrum, who I am assuming has a Doctorate in Vandalism Studies, revealed the supposed truth behind Mormonism. It is an epic tale, one that involves mermaids, an alternate Atlantis, and a couple of cups of coffee.
I hope that you enjoy this epic tale...The link to the edit can be found here: https://en.wikipedia.org/w/
The hot topics, of course, have to do with religion. Pages such as Religion, Christianity, God, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and Mormonism are constantly having to be patrolled in order to prevent false information from staying long enough to be read by an unsuspecting Wikipedia visitor.
For the most part, such vandalism is very annoying. But every so often you get a juicy bit of history that has somehow been kept in the dark.
Today, an editor by the name of Dr. Van Nostrum, who I am assuming has a Doctorate in Vandalism Studies, revealed the supposed truth behind Mormonism. It is an epic tale, one that involves mermaids, an alternate Atlantis, and a couple of cups of coffee.
I hope that you enjoy this epic tale...The link to the edit can be found here: https://en.wikipedia.org/w/
"First things first, any information you've heard about Mormons or Mormonism is all wrong. Mormons were first lead by john Smith but what the history books don't tell you is that John Smith wasn't technically human. He was a completely different species known as a Mormon. They did not migrate to what is now Salt Lake City, they were created there long before us humans were. They live in a mysterious place below the surface of the great Salt Lake known as the lost city of Mormantis. This is where the Mormons spend their early lives born as small fish resembling tadpoles they soon grow to become a creature that resemble our mystical mermaid but these more evolved creatures are known as Mormaids. they live their first few years in their great city before they are given permission to leave their fair city and move onto dry land or as it is in their culture "The Wastelands." When they leave for the surface they are given a choice, to allow humans to see them or to be completely invisible to humans, this is where the common misconception of "ghosts" comes from. Its not a ghost, just a mischievous Mormon.
"Despite being born of scales and gills Mormons worship a great goat that lives in the sky known only as Lactasia or loosely translated in their language "one who constantly lactates." If a human were to attack a Mormon the human would surely lose because although Mormons keep it very hidden they have deadly razor sharp claws and teeth meant for ripping out throats. In the past when humans have challenged Mormons the humans have lost every time, except one astonishing example, a man named Falcorn Wastenkousky, after his great battle which left nearly a fourth of Mormantis in ruins he was given the name Falcorn Protector of the Eighth Guild. Falcorn Single handedly took on the entire army of Mormantis and slew them all using two cups of coffee, they could not handle that much caffeine, the cities soldiers one by one turned to dust at his feet.
"There is a statue of Falcorn Protector of the Eighth Guild in the middle of Brigham Massachusetts. Falcorn has recently passed away he was the last memeber of The League of Gentlemen Against the Annihilation of the Human World or the LGAAHW, they were an ancient society formed to keep the Mormons at bey and they were able to push the Mormons back each time they tried to use their doomsday device the Mormonator a WMD or Weapon of Mass Disintegration with which they plan to disintegrate every human on the planet so that they may once again rule Earth the way they once did.
"Although Mormons are so maniacal and deadly and quick witted they are also very vulnerable to sharp objects, you see Mormons don't actually have internal organs they are hollow and filled with helium. They breath through air gills which were once used as actual gills when they lived in the undersea city of Mormantis. I hope you found this helpful, maybe you will be careful next time you meet or pass by a Mormon, they may strike at any moment."
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